How Parenting Can Change Marital Satisfaction – And What You Can Do About It
Research reveals how having children reduces marital satisfaction…so learn how to stay connected in your marriage.
Becoming a parent is one of life’s most joyful experiences. But raising children can put serious pressure on a marriage. Research shows that marital satisfaction often dips after kids arrive and lasts for 18 years!
The good news? That drop isn’t inevitable. With some intentional effort, couples can keep their connection strong, and even deepen it, while navigating the ups and downs of parenting.
What the Research Says
Studies highlight that most couples report reduced relationship satisfaction after having children. But certain factors like a planned pregnancy, shared religious values, or a strong relationship before becoming parents can buffer against this decline.
That’s encouraging, but it still leaves the question: what else can parents actually do to protect their relationship? That’s where a HuffPost article came in, gathering advice from experts, including me, on practical strategies for couples.
My Key Suggestions for Parents
Here are the strategies I shared in the article to help couples safeguard and nurture their relationship:
Talk About Expectations Early
I encourage couples, especially expectant parents, to openly share their beliefs, fears, and priorities before the baby arrives. Too often, one partner (often mothers in heterosexual couples) feels hesitant to leave the kids with someone else, which complicates date nights and quality time. Getting clear about expectations ahead of time helps avoid resentment and keeps you aligned.
Be Intentional with Time Together
Even small pockets of one-on-one time—like lunch dates, evening walks, or morning coffee—are essential. I recommend couples consciously steer away from only talking about the kids during those moments. Instead, focus on things that matter to both of you: current events, dreams, goals, or interests you shared before parenthood.
Create Daily Rituals of Connection
Simple rituals go a long way. Try a three-minute gaze into each other’s eyes while breathing together, or a long “melting hug.” Even 5 to 10 minutes of connection a day helps anchor your relationship in the midst of chaos.
Schedule Relationship Check-Ins
Don’t let months slip by without checking in on how you’re both feeling about the relationship. I recommend a monthly “state of the union” conversation to talk about what’s working, what’s not, and how each of you is doing emotionally.
Make Space for Intimacy—Without Pressure
I’m a big fan of what I call “happy naked fun time.” It’s about physical closeness without expectation—snuggling, touching, or just enjoying each other’s presence. Taking pressure off performance keeps intimacy playful and alive.
Respond to Connection Attempts
When your partner reaches out, whether with a joke, a hand squeeze, or a request for help, responding positively builds trust and warmth. Small gestures of support, like doing the dishes without being asked, can feel especially meaningful for a partner who’s stretched thin with childcare.
Why It Matters
Hollywood often sells us the fantasy that love conquers all without effort. Real relationships, especially after kids, need care and attention. When you and your partner make time for each other, your whole family benefits.
So if you feel the strain creeping in, experiment with these rituals and habits. And don’t hesitate to reach out for support if you need it. Protecting your relationship isn’t just about your happiness but also about creating a strong, loving foundation for your children to grow up in.
Read the entire HuffPost article on Marriage Takes a Hit After Kids, But These 6 Things Can Help here.